Your Friend, Max

High school puts on RENT. Classmate posts status quoting RENT....

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:00:59 -0500

High school puts on RENT. Classmate posts status quoting RENT. Max makes macro and posts link as comment on status.

Max wishes he had friends.

This is on my fridge. When I was super little I saw it and said...

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 19:25:41 -0500

This is on my fridge. When I was super little I saw it and said “Ooh, Dr. Seuss!” and pulled it down and asked my dad what it meant. My dad put it higher up on the fridge after that.

(image via theduty)

FACT: Zach Galifianakis can make even SNL promos— not the...

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 17:18:08 -0500

FACT: Zach Galifianakis can make even SNL promos— not the show itself, which is merely enhhhhh (up from errrrghh!) but the promos, which are their own special brand of completely mindblowingly horrible— funny. Whoa.
(Visioneers is ehh, though. Hey, it’s better than enhhhhh.)

"What are you doing with HTML? ARE YOU MAKING MORE INTERNET???"

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:53:00 -0500

““What are you doing with HTML? ARE YOU MAKING MORE INTERNET???””

- Cammie, after I admitted (reluctantly, nerds!) that I had spent the evening modifying this blog. I have a hard time keeping myself from posting just a million “MY GIRLFRIEND IS AWESOME YOU GUYS” because seriously MY GIRLFRIEND IS AWESOME YOU GUYS.

Talk Talk - The Vapors Or: Why Is This B-Side By The Vapors,...

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:20:34 -0500

Talk Talk - The Vapors

Or: Why Is This B-Side By The Vapors, Yeah, The Vapors, That’s Right, “Turning Japanese”, Completely Unrelated To The Band “Talk Talk” Or Their Song “Talk Talk” One Of Max’s Favorite Songs Ever? Is It A Hipster Thing, Max? No, You Just Really Really Like It, Huh. Okay. Freak.

Jonathan's got a hit on his hands.

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:09:40 -0500

Jonathan: OK wtf is up with these facebook pages that "reveal" themselves
Max: remember when facebook pages were actually for THINGS?
Jonathan: "you will LOL at how this man got raped"

This is the Chinese cover for Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard...

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 23:35:24 -0500

This is the Chinese cover for Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book. Are book covers all like this in China? That’s it, I’m moving there. Human rights? What?

Daria - Cake Or: How To Write The Perfect Chorus. Seriously.

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 17:58:41 -0500

Daria - Cake

Or: How To Write The Perfect Chorus.

Seriously.

CANADIAN COMEDY Y'ALL

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 01:02:00 -0500

CANADIAN COMEDY Y'ALL:

“One of the more remembered appearances of Mike from Canmore occurred in a sketch in which Mike mistakes the MENSA office for a washroom as the “a” fell off moments before without his knowledge (forming the word “MENS”) only to be greeted by a MENSA official who puts Mike through a verbal IQ test.”

'50s Pop Art Stripper Names

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 17:31:00 -0500

Andy Whorehol (alternatively, Randy Warhol)
Roy Lickin’stein

That’s all.

This is the best thing. (via luckyshirt)

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 23:51:00 -0500

This is the best thing.

(via luckyshirt)

"When that chute opens you feel like you’ve done something kings and queens can’t even spell."

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 23:18:00 -0500

““When that chute opens you feel like you’ve done something kings and queens can’t even spell.””

- Gary Busey, on skydiving. Alright, similes. You’ve had a good run. Time to hang it up. Can’t be topped.

(via kevin)

I found a bottle of Children’s Bubble Gum Flavor Liquid Ibuprofen in the cabinet and it...

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 23:30:00 -0500

I found a bottle of Children’s Bubble Gum Flavor Liquid Ibuprofen in the cabinet and it brought back a whole bunch of memories from my childhood, so I took a swig (for old times’ sake) and then I looked at the expiration date and realized that it was LITERALLY from my childhood.

But I interrupt. I’m sorry, Massive Purple Cloudbeast— you were saying?

“SO CINDY I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU WANTED TO GO OUT...

Sat, 16 Jan 2010 01:16:22 -0500

“SO CINDY I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU WANTED TO GO OUT THIS SATURDAYYHGLRBLGBLDURRRR”

Minors - Toro y Moi “Chillwave” is a pretty accurate...

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 16:24:00 -0500

Minors - Toro y Moi

“Chillwave” is a pretty accurate name for a genre when it comes down to it.

I didn’t know anything about this band so I wiki’d it and it turns out it’s one guy and then I read this:

Bundick was born on November 7, 1986 in Columbia, South Carolina and attended Ridgeview High School where he formed well-known Columbia indie rock band, The Heist and the Accomplice, with three schoolmates.

And then I freaked out because I TOTALLY SAW THOSE GUYS at a free Cat’s Cradle show that I remember nothing about like three years ago and WOW. These little connections and coincidences actually really freak me out. More than they should, which is “not at all”. Like genuinely scare me.

SETTING: NURSE'S OFFICE. RIGHT AFTER LUNCH. YES, THIS HAPPENED.

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 12:37:55 -0500

Secretary: Yes?
Max: Hi there! I had a pretty bad nosebleed during lunch and I've been, you know, cleaning up and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be late for class so I figured this would be the place to get a pass from?
Secretary: No.
[late bell rings]
Max: I'm sorry?
Secretary: Students need to get to class on time.
Max: It was kind of out of my control.
Secretary: No passes.
Max: Blood coming out of my head. Just all over the place. No regard for etiquette.
Secretary: Stop having nosebleeds.

So apparently those "social media gurus" that follow THE ENTIRE WORLD on Twitter are multiplying.

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 00:40:00 -0500

So apparently those "social media gurus" that follow THE ENTIRE WORLD on Twitter are multiplying.:

I read this article and synapses were fired and I remembered an event I have not thought about in years.

In the summer of 2006, I flew out to Portland by myself to stay with relatives for a couple of weeks. All things considered, it was a pretty great trip, but I was just a little too young to truly appreciate the experience or basically do anything other than be ungracious. Which I was.

At one point I was meeting my aunt’s neighbor and I was just beside myself because this guy seemed like the coolest person alive. He read comics! He did computer things! Of course twelve-year-old me would adopt this guy as my role model! (For reference, I spent the rest of that trip listening to Lemon Demon and— oh, jeez, am I really going to admit this?— posting my writing on the Megatokyo forums. My avatar was a Jhonen Vasquez drawing I colored in Paint. I was quite possibly the Worst Child Alive.)

So at one point I asked my new hero what he did for a living, and he told me that he was a “Windows guru” and I was just floored. A guru? Like, Mr. Miyagi? How much of a badass do you have to be to get the job title guru? What the hell kind of test is there to become a “Windows guru”? Do you have to face off against Bill Gates in his private dojo, armed with those bamboo sword things that I would know the name of if I were still twelve years old? I guess it’s Steve Ballmer, these days. Probably more of a challenge. Wait, isn’t guru Hindi in origin? Maybe I’m thinking of sensei. “Windows sensei”. Now that is something I would put on a business card.

Anyway, I realize now that this guy was less of a rock star computer god and more of an unemployed nerd. Which means that a little piece of twelve-year-old me just died.

But not enough, dammit.

This Week In What

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 13:38:25 -0500

What?

I just…I don’t understand.

What?

This is untrue, but so is his question.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:40:59 -0500

Jonathan: maybe you overate Hissing Fauna a little too much?
Max: i never overeat.
Jonathan: well played.

I got interviewed.

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 22:47:18 -0500

I got interviewed.:

Caleb was a supernice guy over email and even nicer in the write-up, displayed best in his willingness to indulge the silly “blogger” fantasy I rattled on way too long about a while ago. Overall, it’s just a really really nice piece. Super-complimentary.

I was very self-conscious in answering the questions. I went back and rewrote some of my answers multiple times. I made sure not to repeat words or personal mannerisms. I tried really hard not to seem pretentious or self-centered. I over-thought it, really. But this was the first time I’ve done anything like this and I WASN’T GONNA MESS IT UP.

It’s been a (relatively) wild couple of days, and Mocktopus is getting more attention than it ever has before. I don’t know if the spike in views is going to drop off (much) or if this is my “big break,” but I can’t really complain either way. Tomorrow’s an update day, so we’ll see how many of those initial views come back! SUSPENSE!