mocktoblog

Spring Break Travelogue

Grocery stores work a little differently in Pennsylvania.

We stopped by the local supermarket today to pick up some meats, and were greeted by a large sign informing us that NO ONE UNDERSELLS OUR EASTER HAMS. It was written just like that— bold, underlined and caps locked, the holy trinity of emphasis. This was not an invitation to bring cheaper hams to their attention. This was a statement of fact. If you had seen a cheaper ham elsewhere, you kept your filthy mouth shut, you hear. There was also, during this time, a cawing emanating from some distant recess of the dairy section. As we drew closer, the source of the sound was located— it was a raven, cackling out a warning to all ye who dared question ham prices from atop its makeshift Yoplait perch. Surely, this must have been the last patron to present a competing ham! Its dark declaration continued until a team of cloaked store employees scared it away with brooms, which they then rode silently back through the Employees Only door from which they came.

Suffice it to say that we bought our ham and got out of there as fast as we possibly could, disregarding the fact that we had originally entered to purchase sausages.